New commissioned piece

A ShrinkyDink piece commissioned by a friend of mine :-) I think she will adore it. I find I am finally good at something. It's nice that people want me to make them stuff and pay me for it :-) I guess I have talent after all :-) lucky me! 

Oi to the Vey

i am not a big fan of men right now. i guess its more like im sick & tired of getting used by them. i dont understand what it is about men...that makes them so fickle, that makes them want to lead someone on and then not follow through...to just break womens hearts. i dont know. sometimes it makes me just want to give up. to just want to be single the rest of my life. with the way things have been going lately...its a high possibility. like i said. men suck. 

but...

as of today im going to try and keep this blog to other things going on in my life...not men...ive been doing a lot of jewelry lately, so i think i will blog about that stuff...show that i dont just blog about stupid fucking men. so i shall post the first piece of jewelry i ever made. i had made shrinkydinks before & decided to try making some forever knight faces...after a couple tries (lacroix's face was too small & janette's face looked funky) i worked and worked on them and they finally came out nice...i wear it a lot...that and my henry portrait of a serial killer necklace. 

the next one i did was a jaws inspired one...i was so excited how it came out!!

im not quite happy the way brody came out...he was the first one i did in the series...the shading was a bit messy...but by the time i got to quint...it was near perfection. it was a blast to make. that was when i knew i was on to something :-)

the ex

you always did know how to make me feel stupid. to make me feel worthless & unattractive. im glad we arent together anymore. 

sadness

i think the reason ive been so bummed recently is that a lot of the people i know are getting married. they have found their one & only (hopefully)...its just everywhere i look friends of mine are making plans and seem so stressed but happy and they are pretty much all under the age of 30...here i am at the age of 32 and im still single. single & damaged goods. i just keep thinking who is going to want me? i just want to be happy, happiness is a hard thing to find apparently. 

Sad times

How come men only see me as a person for sex? I just don't understand why I'm not taken seriously as a woman. I'm funny, smart, pretty (more cute I guess), I have good taste in movies & some music. I just don't understand why men just want to use me. It's really sad. 

i guess it'll pass

im feeling pretty f'n sad today. i dont know. sometimes i just look around at my apartment, which is decent...its got a study area that is filled with my art stuff and a great desk and i hardly go in there to do anything. its wasted space. wasted space i pay for. wasted. that is what today should be called. wasted space. so in this sized apartment i live alone. there are no prospects, ive been dumped twice recently. dumped to the curb and muddy feet wiped upon. life just seems pretty stupid and pointless sometimes. i just wanna stop being alone. i want to fill this empty void called my life right now. 

Yum

There ain't nothing better than an orgasm to help with menstrual cramps...I only wish I was having orgasms with someone rather than alone. That's my only complaint I guess. Ill probably get off again tonight before bed...like I said, wish I had someone to share my orgasms with.

Blind Hearts

Deep in our hearts

We are alone 

Deep in our blind hearts 

Skin and bone 

Blech

So I just started watching the new season of Face Off. One of the newbies is named ______. He is Mexican of course & is wearing a jean jacket vest. So punk. I'm hoping he gets eliminated pretty soon so I don't have to listen to that fucking name anymore. Fuck. 

Party

Ascend

I first saw you

without love and then you knew
your fingers reached
I moved in the distance breached
tell me what I'm doing here
tell me what I'm doing here
to my surprise
I kissed you, you made me rise
now by my side
I've missed you and let it slide
tell me what I'm doing here
tell me what I'm doing here
if all I ever wanted wasn't good for you
if the thing that I said, they just weren't true
ascend, ascend my friend
I turned my head
and looked back, I had been led
when my heart jumped
we lost touch, our love had slumped
tell me what I'm doing here
tell me what I'm doing here
if all I ever wanted wasn't good for you
if the thing that I said, they just weren't true
ascend, ascend my friend
I can see you looking down to keep away from me
but I'm stuck with this lack of ability
I can't refrain
from coming here
it causes pain
you're so sincere
ascend, I must ascend
so now alone
I find out your heart is stone
a helping hand
there is none from where I stand
tell me what I'm doing here
tell me what I'm doing here
if all I ever wanted wasn't good for you
if the thing that I said, they just weren't true
then don't restrain from telling me
that all this pain is good for me
I can see you looking down to keep away from me
but I'm stuck with this lack of ability
I can't restrain from coming here
it causes pain you're so sincere
ascend
ascend, I must ascend

Ugh

Hello...
Is it me you're looking for? 

No...I guess I'm not. 
Fuck you. 
I still think of you every single day. I don't cry much anymore but I still do think of you. I really wish you hadn't of dumped me, I really wish we were still together. I'm not lying when I say...I was happiest when I was with you, even though our time was about 6 months. I fucking loved you & you dumped me without even a fucking blink. I gave my heart, my body...everything...I was going to give you...everything...and you just did it...without even a blink. You know...people warned me about you...they said you were a liar & a cheat & that you would break my heart. I dismissed them without even a second thought. You were all I ever wanted.
Fuck you. 
I still think of you every single day. I don't cry much anymore but I still do think of you. 
Fuck you. 

Yep.

Sick of it. Sick of being used. 

hahaha

i hate men. 

The end (?)

I try not to think of you anymore. July 31st was the day I spent chatting with you all day & night about various stuff. I had never felt a more solid connection with anyone before in my life. I went to see Creepshow later that night & honestly could not wait to get home and start talking to you again. More than a year it's been since that moment. Schlitterbahn has come as gone. The day I sent you the first pic of me. The next 6 months were the happiest I had ever experienced and we didn't even live in the same state. Come February...all my happiness was gone. You were gone. I am slowly getting my life together. Deleting your voicemails that used to make me laugh & swoon all at the same time. Deleting all your pictures from my computer. I keep them. You never know. I just don't want that constant reminder of you. I have turned your shirts into things that are mine. I am trying to be happy without you. 

The end (?)

Thoroughly

Thoroughly depressed. 

Super lonely. 

This is all. 

still around

i wish you were still around to see what creative stuff i have been working on. i think they would be things you would dig & be enthusiastic about. i keep thinking of all the pieces i could make for you. things i could make for your family. fuck. i miss you a lot some days. i didnt think i would miss you this fucking much. 

oh well. 

back to creating art. 

I wish you a bloody birthday

I believe today is your birthday. I wish I could still be a part of your life & to help you celebrate. I really hope you have a great birthday in spite of everything. And if you see this...know that I think of you.

i think of you

i really do.

Hopeless

Fucking lost hope. I miss you. I miss you so much. Almost everything I watch, listen to & feel passionate about reminds me of you. It would be really nice to hear from you. I will be honest. I sometimes want to reach out to you. Call you. Text you. Mail you a letter or something I have made for you. I feel though, that I was so super supportive of you...and I fought so hard for us to stay together...that you just gave up. I know I really just need to let go of you, let go of the idea of you and of the way I felt when I was with you. You probably don't believe me but I did (maybe still do) love you. 

Blah. 

Tits

my tits are falling
straight to the ground
i can feel them falling
they used to be round
so pink and pretty
they used to be silky
nipples...itty bitty
oh god when i was twenty
my tits brought young men joy
throughout their years
in the corner, see that boy
he last saw them and ran away with tears
its a fight im losing
i wish i could be stronger
tonight ill start boozing
because im seeing them get longer.

Another old poem

Torture

The world is lonely
And so am I
As I poke this needle
In your eye
I gag and tie you to a chair
So I can shave off all your hair
I plug machinery into your brain
So I can hear you scream in pain
I see you stare with pain and fear
As blood runs red out your ear
Pins and needles penetrate your nipple
As I see your tears fall and ripple
Acid runs down your skin
A symbol of how you sin
I'm going to leave you 'til you decay
Because I'm sure you'll be attractive that way
Now I see why I do this to you
It's not for love but to kill you

Just an old poem i wrote years & years ago. 

Forgotten

this is for you. wherever you are.

that time is over i guess.

At this moment I want nothing more than to watch this movie with you...to cuddle & to hum this song while I play with your hair. 

SOS.

Even though I have worn & washed your shirts over & over again...sometimes I smell them and hope to smell you in the fibers. Somewhere deep down maybe there will be a trace of you in them. Embarrassingly enough...I just tried...and there was nothing...I just smelled a dress of mine that I showed you and you kissed me and nearly devoured me in...it didn't smell either. My heart sinks that we had such a short time together. Once again...not my choice. If you are out there. If you read this. Please respond. 

brain damage

im finally watching brain damage...and the vibe im getting from this flick is already making me think of you. why cant i stop thinking of you?

Dream

So I had this dream that you & I were at the movies. I believe it was Head by The Monkees...anyway one of my favorite scenes where Porpoise Song plays was on and you and I were cuddling and I was singing along to one of my favorite songs and I look over to the right over my shoulder and Lucien Lacroix from Forever Knight was sitting in the same theatre. He smiled at me and showed his fangs. My insides went wet and I went to him and offered him my neck. A very sad and hot dream equally. 

:-(

i feel so exhausted. its been a goddamn long year...already...i really want things to get better. i want my life together. i love my JOB. i love my FAMILY. i love my CAT. im creative, funny, talented...albeit LAZY sometimes. the only thing missing is LOVE.

Just further proof

Just further proof that I am awesome. I found an x mas stocking I made for you...it had your name written across the top with glittery awesome beads. I don't know...I just saw so much happiness and future with you. Blah. 

Deleting

So I guess it's time for me to delete all of your old voice mails...that would be good for healing right? Unless...unless there is still hope...who knows. 

looking ahead.

I used to look at you like this...I want to look at someone like this again.

i know you probably already know of this site...

Because you are the all knowing , all powerful when it comes to cool music & awesome movies. I always thought that about you. Well anyway, I'm not sure if you have heard of this site...but its flipping amazing. I have become obsessed with this site & the music it holds...I have you to thank for opening my eyes to a lot of new things that I wasn't aware of. As much as I am upset by the things that have happened...I am thankful that you & I had our moment. I wish it could have been more but you made that decision for me. Didn't you?

http://www.newretrowave.com/

Didn't you?

i just saw your name

i just saw your name as i was typing someone else's in facebook and my heart stopped a little. i think you finally (maybe) unblocked me from your life. too bad you are blocked. too bad as much as i would love to talk to you, to laugh with you again...you fucked up. you did so much wrong to me, to us...that its unforgivable. 
i miss you. every. single. day. 
if you had really wanted this relationship to work you would have done a lot more than just call and text...you would have bought a webcam...you would have made those visits here to see me and to build us. 
whatever. it doesnt really matter. i just wish you well, i wish your family well. i hope you get to live your life to its fullest and not hide behind anything. i just want your happiness, too bad you could give less than a shit about mine. 

Heavy

I took half a pill last night that took me into crazy dream land. I had a dream about you again. I got a package from you in the mail, it was a birthday present. It had a lovely birthday card that you had designed yourself, it was filled with color and calligraphy writing. The writing was all over the place and as I read it revealed a secret note, a map of sorts to your heart, to everything you had been feeling, to everything you wanted and needed to say to me. I woke up and languished because I knew that would never happen. I knew you would never go out of your way to do something like that for me. It makes me really sad to think how easily you gave up. It always will.

there is a chill in the air

there is a chill in the air and i cant help but think of you. it reminds me of how lonely i am without you sometimes. 

all night long.

ive been coming off like im ok...im not quite ok. i am lonely. 
this is going to sound pathetic but i just want to be with someone & them with me. i want to find that person who will love me no matter what. who wants to share their life with me. whom i can love emotionally & physically. someone who i can share common interests with, someone who makes me laugh and who i can be myself with. i really thought i had found him. i really did. its still pretty upsetting i cant even tell ya. 

and if you want something interesting...

Listen to Perturbator & LazerHawk. Mainly listen to Perturbator though. He is such an interesting musical artist. He gets me in t mood for art, for creativity. If you have any kind of creative block...give it a listen. Thank you for introducing me to his music. 

stacy through the looking glass

so the hydrocodone my mom gave me is kicking in, so is the beer i drank and also the awesome music i am listening to. 
i feel really energized right now but at the same time i feel super sleepy. i should probably eat something more than what i ate earlier just in case something happens to my tummy in the night. 
so of late my life has been stressful, not as much as some...but still...i find that i can be happy in all respects but one...LOVE...and that sucks. for real. it seems all of my endeavors at love have failed. granted i have had great experiences...for one i was in love and happy in a relationship with someone for 7 years. i still love him, i will never not love him. he was my first love, my best friend & the best lover i have had. 
recently i fell for someone i thought could be my one and only...stupid that i felt that way? not sure. it all seems so "high school" now...being that it was so short lived and so dramatic. i dont know if i put too much hope and stock into it but it didnt work...in all truth it completely imploded in on itself...and its not for my lack of trying...in all honestly i did all i could to save this relationship...he on the other hand...like most people i know...just gave up on something i thought was amazing. apparently i am not worth putting that much effort in. and that sucks. within a couple months of us being "together" i flew to chicago to be with him, had a blast and really felt like he was someone i could be naturally with. everything felt so right...he was supposed to travel to texas to see me on a couple different occasions and they both fell apart pretty quickly. i dont know. a friend told me recently that sometimes you have to test people, you have to make people jump through hoops for you and if they dont...or make excuses...then they arent worth keeping around. i guess he wasnt in the end. because even before our relationship ended he was failing miserably at making this work. i was starting to be really annoyed with his lack of responsibility. anyway. i guess i am better off in the end. i have no other choice than to be better off. and i will be. from this day forward. i just wish that things didnt end so badly. i wish it was just a matter of us being so far away that it didnt work out. but no. it is this thing that i feel is my fault, even though it isnt. its difficult to talk about. maybe some day. 
i need to focus my life. i love my job. i need to make better income though. i need to have something else on the side that brings in extra dough...though i dont have faith nor confidence in myself to actually do it. there i said it...the one thing about me that i hate. i have such low self confidence in what i have to offer...i know i can draw or whatever you call it...i think what i do is good...but i lack the motivation to get anything fucking done. i do ink work which i am proud as fuck of...i think the characters i draw are good, i think they are fun and interesting but i wonder too much what others think that it makes me think im no good. maybe so many years of someone saying my stuff was just "ok" didnt help. i dont know. we are our own worst enemies. i just need to keep up with it. i need to stop being such a slacker. i just sit in my apartment and watch tv instead of getting anything done. i need someone to push me. i need someone to make me feel important sometimes. i have friends who say such wonderful things about my work but i need the person i fucking love to say those things. the guy i was previously seeing would say such amazing things about my work, about how i looked about everything....i actually felt again like i was someone worth a damn again. that i was beautiful, that i had talent...i dont know. now i feel a little lost. i feel like that confidence is gone. i need to get that back...and not rely on some guy for it either.
ugh. ok i think ive ranted long enough. its just about time for me to sleep. and hopefully not die in my sleep. 

awesome hair. i want this so badly...

I had a dream about you

I had a dream that I got a random text from you. I dreamt you were happy to talk to me again. You said I had no idea how much you missed me. At the point in my dream where I felt secure & happy I got woken up into reality by my alarm clock. I don't know what to do. I need some sort of closure from you I guess. If you read this at all please respond. Please send me a text. Please send me a letter. Leave me a secret code. Please. Do something.

It's been one month...

It's been one month since we have spoken. Every day is getting a little easier. Bit by bit I feel myself getting stronger by what has happened. I still miss you every single day. I still think "what if?" about you...like what if this is just a stupid hurdle we have to get through. I still have hope there is a "we" in this equation when in reality you stopped thinking of "we" a while ago. I love you. I hate you.

This is the truest thing

Sorry to be a bummer

But life sorta sucks right now.

I...

I miss you every single day.

All I wanna do is talk talk

It's been taking all I have to not message you every single day. To give you a call. I really just want to hear your voice, to laugh with you again.

tonight you belong to me

i cant tell you how true this is. 

That's All

I can only give you love that lasts forever 
And a promise to be near each time you call, 
And the only heart I own 
For you and you alone, 
That's all, that's all. 
I can only give you country walks in springtime 
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall, 
And a love whose burning light 
Will warm the winter night, 
That's all, that's all. 
There are those, I am sure, that have told you 
They would give you the world for a toy. 
All I have are these arms to enfold you 
And a love time can never destroy. 
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, 
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small. 
Say it's me that you'll adore 
For now and ever more, 
That's all, that's all. 
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, 
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small. 
Say it's me that you'll adore 
For now and ever more, 
That's all...that's all.

Is it ok?

For me to say how much I hate people sometimes?

the song that is saving my life right now

SILVER LINING

You gotta get up in the morning
No matter what happened last night
He ripped your heart out without warning
But there's only one thing to do
No matter what you're going through

Get up out of bed
Right foot, left foot moving
Get out of your head
Soon you'll be improving

You'd see the sun outside is shining
If you would only open your eyes
Haven't you heard of silver lining?
And if he never felt that way
Why would you want him to stay?

When you have come so far
From the place you started
Just be the girl you are
Although you're broken hearted

Deep down you knew that it was wrong
That little voice was telling you the truth
He was an asshole all along
And now you hear it loud and clear
Screaming right in to your ear

Get up out of bed
Right foot, left foot moving
Get out of your head
Soon you'll be improving

And it doesn't matter why he's gone
It only matters that he's gone
And soon it's plain to see
That you're better than that
So get out your bat
And bash his memory

You gotta get up every morning
Even if it has to be alone
He ripped your heart out without warning
But now you have the whole day on your own

What I want

I want someone who loves me as much as I love them.
It's something that is apparently really hard to find.

you oughta know

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

'cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

Well, I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

emotions running amok

i had a pretty rough day today. i just got off the phone with my mom, i pretty much cried to her the whole time. i dont know why. i guess my emotions are insane right now. i had a dream the other night that dealt with adolfo, in the dream i found out the whole time we were seeing each other that he was seeing someone else. not only that but he was actually married and had been for a few years. he was lying to me the whole time. i confronted him about it and we ended up on the ground at my work fighting and i started screaming at him and slapping him and calling him names and screaming out all the stuff i hated about him. it was rough. i woke up from the dream just bawling. i know that this situation shouldnt be bothering me that much, or so people have said. but it just truly sucks giving all you have to someone, being as honest as you can and as supportive as you can and still being thrown away like a goddamn fetus after an abortion...you know? i just give and give and i dont get anything back...it sucks being completely discarded. i just care too much about people apparently. i should just learn to not give a shit. to just turn my emotions off. why cant i just have people in my life who give a shit? i feel alone, like i dont matter to much of anyone. 
i just put all my emotions out to adolfo and he didnt give me anything back, i couldnt have been anymore supportive of him, of what was happening. he just gave up on me, like i was nothing. people say he wasnt worth it...he has proven that. but something in me just hopes & prays that he will reach out to me and say he is sorry, that he loves me and wants me to forgive him...and that we will live happily ever after. i want that so badly. its all i have ever wanted...someone to be happy with, to live a happy life with. i didnt think it would be that hard but its proving to be the hardest thing to do. i fucking hate this shit. 
adolfo, i really thought you were going to be the one to truly make me happy, the one i could truly have a life with...you turned out to be the cause of pain & turmoil. i am better off without you. i know this. i just wish it wasnt so. 

FaCe To FaCe

Just an amazing song written by Danny Elfman & sung by the amazing Siousxie & the Banshees. 

Face to face
my lovely foe
Mouth to mouth
raining heaven's blows
Hand on heart
tic tac toe
Under the stars
naked as we flow
Cheek to cheek
the bitter sweet
Commit your crime in your deadly time

Commit your crime in your deadly time
It's too divine
I want to bend
I want this bliss but something says I must resist

Another life
another time
We're Siamese twins writhing intertwined
Face to face
no telling lies
The masks they slide to reveal a new disguise

You never can win
it's the state I'm in
This danger thrills and my conflict kills
They say follow your heart
follow it through
But how can you
when you're split in two?

And you'll never know
You'll never know

One more kiss
before we die
Face to face
and dream of flying
Who are you?
who am I?
Wind in wings
two angels falling
To die like this
with a last kiss
It's falsehood's flame
it's a crying shame
Face to face
the passions breathe
I hate to stay but then I hate to leave

And you'll never know
You'll never know . . .

if you like greeks...

if you like greeks, if you like romans...
such a good song. such a good video. im not sure why the hell i like this video so much. i think its because i find the singer very strangely attractive. also the who greeks rubbing juices on themselves and the little satyr children! its just so wrongly erotic! 
ok back to cleaning. 

through the rough times...

this song has been my savior on more than one occasion...oingo boingo in general has got me through a lot of rough stuff but this song in general just makes me realize that something you thought might be the end of your world had to happen for you to be truly happy. thank you danny elfman & company for making such amazing music. 

And these are the best things I own :-)

My Freaked figure collection!! I finally have all of them :-)

This was the gold of today.

WHAT WILL YOU DO FOR THE LULZ???

So I have got to rant a bit. I hate horror movies today. For serious. I think within the past 10 years I have liked maybe 7...maybe...most of them are the Final Destination films. I don't know. Magic is just gone from them I think. There is no excitement. Nothing left to the imagination. Film, especially horror movies...nowadays lack imagination. For one, you see everything...what happened to suspense? Halloween? Nightmare on Elm Street, Psycho, hell even Candyman and others...yes...movies like From Beyond, The Thing remake, Re-Animator, Day of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead...where gore and guts are flaunted...there is still a level of fantasy, fun, they don't take themselves too seriously. Recently a friend and I watched this movie called Smiley...ah Smiley...I don't even know how to describe this masterpiece...let me just say this...I am a lame homebody who doesn't know anything about anything when it comes to computers, or the silliness that accompanies it...that being said Smiley deals almost completely with the internet subculture, the whole time I was sitting there watching I kept having to ask my friend what pedo-bear meant, what this website was...are they hackers? Fuck if I know. Needless to say it took us a day or two to actually finish this crap fest. So this movie is sort of like a new "young" version of the Candyman mythos. Basically what you do is video chat roulette...you set up a video chat with a stranger, then you type "I did it for the LULZ" 3 times and low and behold a myth called Smiley will murder said person in front of you. This leads to a girls mental breakdown...is smiley real? Is smiley a figment of her imagination? Are her friends really missing or just joshing around?? Who the hell knows and who the hell cares! This movie is full of terrible actors (apart from creepy teacher ROGER BART & non believing detective KEITH DAVID) who do their roles very well...weird things that if you aren't in the know...you will be constantly confused & asking questions and seeming very stupid to a boy you wanna impress...they try to make this movie intelligent but it just falls flat. And the flick ends with a very wah wah ending. Apart from Roger Bart's creepy conspiracy theorist college professor...who sexually harasses the main character...with the great line...WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO FOR THE LULZ?

Its a pretty impressive performance in my opinion. I mean I would definitely do something for the LULZ if it were Roger Bart. He's just creepy sexy enough :-) Its all a jumbled mess and whats worse is with this movie being so bad...its played so damn straight! So serious! I mean...where is the fun? Movies like Halloween had nice built up suspense & real life characters with real life jokes and actions of real teenagers. Maybe i'm just too old, i'm not sure...its probably right on with the youth now...and I feel really sorry for them if they totally get this movie and think its the new generation of horror. WOO...time for bed. 

Zombies

Zombies

Sitting here alone
I hear them coming
Screams from inside my neighbors houses ring in my ears
As they enter my house i try not to imagine how my friends died
But the images seep through my mind
They probably died painfully
Getting cornered then eaten slowly
Them...
Biting little bits of flesh, and grinding them in hungry mouths
Until there's nothing left but blood and bones
Awakened from thought by a noise i can tell is in the kitchen
I stumble from my bed awakening my cat as she slept
I go to my door to make sure its locked
But make the mistake of listening to an animal growling
Then being torn apart
I whimper and step back knowing that's what my death will be
I walk fast to my bed not making a sound
Knowing it doesn't matter because they can smell human flesh
I hear them banging at my door
Ripping at it i realize how strong they are
And how easily it will be for them to rip me to shreds
I close my eyes and realize that the room reeks of dirt and decayed flesh
And i can tell the door is open
Since they are dead it takes them a while to find me
But my flesh guides them
I hear a noise and with wide eyes find my cat being torn apart by two of them
Her blood splats over my room and my face
As they grab her innards and sloppily eat them
Something grabs my arm
And as i turn find a child digging its rotted teeth into my flesh
The others sense this and rush over
Pulling at my hair and tearing away my skin
I face intolerable pain and scream out 
Knowing no one will hear me.