This is the truest thing

Sorry to be a bummer

But life sorta sucks right now.

I...

I miss you every single day.

All I wanna do is talk talk

It's been taking all I have to not message you every single day. To give you a call. I really just want to hear your voice, to laugh with you again.

tonight you belong to me

i cant tell you how true this is. 

That's All

I can only give you love that lasts forever 
And a promise to be near each time you call, 
And the only heart I own 
For you and you alone, 
That's all, that's all. 
I can only give you country walks in springtime 
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall, 
And a love whose burning light 
Will warm the winter night, 
That's all, that's all. 
There are those, I am sure, that have told you 
They would give you the world for a toy. 
All I have are these arms to enfold you 
And a love time can never destroy. 
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, 
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small. 
Say it's me that you'll adore 
For now and ever more, 
That's all, that's all. 
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, 
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small. 
Say it's me that you'll adore 
For now and ever more, 
That's all...that's all.

Is it ok?

For me to say how much I hate people sometimes?

the song that is saving my life right now

SILVER LINING

You gotta get up in the morning
No matter what happened last night
He ripped your heart out without warning
But there's only one thing to do
No matter what you're going through

Get up out of bed
Right foot, left foot moving
Get out of your head
Soon you'll be improving

You'd see the sun outside is shining
If you would only open your eyes
Haven't you heard of silver lining?
And if he never felt that way
Why would you want him to stay?

When you have come so far
From the place you started
Just be the girl you are
Although you're broken hearted

Deep down you knew that it was wrong
That little voice was telling you the truth
He was an asshole all along
And now you hear it loud and clear
Screaming right in to your ear

Get up out of bed
Right foot, left foot moving
Get out of your head
Soon you'll be improving

And it doesn't matter why he's gone
It only matters that he's gone
And soon it's plain to see
That you're better than that
So get out your bat
And bash his memory

You gotta get up every morning
Even if it has to be alone
He ripped your heart out without warning
But now you have the whole day on your own

What I want

I want someone who loves me as much as I love them.
It's something that is apparently really hard to find.

you oughta know

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

'cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

Well, I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

emotions running amok

i had a pretty rough day today. i just got off the phone with my mom, i pretty much cried to her the whole time. i dont know why. i guess my emotions are insane right now. i had a dream the other night that dealt with adolfo, in the dream i found out the whole time we were seeing each other that he was seeing someone else. not only that but he was actually married and had been for a few years. he was lying to me the whole time. i confronted him about it and we ended up on the ground at my work fighting and i started screaming at him and slapping him and calling him names and screaming out all the stuff i hated about him. it was rough. i woke up from the dream just bawling. i know that this situation shouldnt be bothering me that much, or so people have said. but it just truly sucks giving all you have to someone, being as honest as you can and as supportive as you can and still being thrown away like a goddamn fetus after an abortion...you know? i just give and give and i dont get anything back...it sucks being completely discarded. i just care too much about people apparently. i should just learn to not give a shit. to just turn my emotions off. why cant i just have people in my life who give a shit? i feel alone, like i dont matter to much of anyone. 
i just put all my emotions out to adolfo and he didnt give me anything back, i couldnt have been anymore supportive of him, of what was happening. he just gave up on me, like i was nothing. people say he wasnt worth it...he has proven that. but something in me just hopes & prays that he will reach out to me and say he is sorry, that he loves me and wants me to forgive him...and that we will live happily ever after. i want that so badly. its all i have ever wanted...someone to be happy with, to live a happy life with. i didnt think it would be that hard but its proving to be the hardest thing to do. i fucking hate this shit. 
adolfo, i really thought you were going to be the one to truly make me happy, the one i could truly have a life with...you turned out to be the cause of pain & turmoil. i am better off without you. i know this. i just wish it wasnt so. 

FaCe To FaCe

Just an amazing song written by Danny Elfman & sung by the amazing Siousxie & the Banshees. 

Face to face
my lovely foe
Mouth to mouth
raining heaven's blows
Hand on heart
tic tac toe
Under the stars
naked as we flow
Cheek to cheek
the bitter sweet
Commit your crime in your deadly time

Commit your crime in your deadly time
It's too divine
I want to bend
I want this bliss but something says I must resist

Another life
another time
We're Siamese twins writhing intertwined
Face to face
no telling lies
The masks they slide to reveal a new disguise

You never can win
it's the state I'm in
This danger thrills and my conflict kills
They say follow your heart
follow it through
But how can you
when you're split in two?

And you'll never know
You'll never know

One more kiss
before we die
Face to face
and dream of flying
Who are you?
who am I?
Wind in wings
two angels falling
To die like this
with a last kiss
It's falsehood's flame
it's a crying shame
Face to face
the passions breathe
I hate to stay but then I hate to leave

And you'll never know
You'll never know . . .