emotions running amok

i had a pretty rough day today. i just got off the phone with my mom, i pretty much cried to her the whole time. i dont know why. i guess my emotions are insane right now. i had a dream the other night that dealt with adolfo, in the dream i found out the whole time we were seeing each other that he was seeing someone else. not only that but he was actually married and had been for a few years. he was lying to me the whole time. i confronted him about it and we ended up on the ground at my work fighting and i started screaming at him and slapping him and calling him names and screaming out all the stuff i hated about him. it was rough. i woke up from the dream just bawling. i know that this situation shouldnt be bothering me that much, or so people have said. but it just truly sucks giving all you have to someone, being as honest as you can and as supportive as you can and still being thrown away like a goddamn fetus after an abortion...you know? i just give and give and i dont get anything back...it sucks being completely discarded. i just care too much about people apparently. i should just learn to not give a shit. to just turn my emotions off. why cant i just have people in my life who give a shit? i feel alone, like i dont matter to much of anyone. 
i just put all my emotions out to adolfo and he didnt give me anything back, i couldnt have been anymore supportive of him, of what was happening. he just gave up on me, like i was nothing. people say he wasnt worth it...he has proven that. but something in me just hopes & prays that he will reach out to me and say he is sorry, that he loves me and wants me to forgive him...and that we will live happily ever after. i want that so badly. its all i have ever wanted...someone to be happy with, to live a happy life with. i didnt think it would be that hard but its proving to be the hardest thing to do. i fucking hate this shit. 
adolfo, i really thought you were going to be the one to truly make me happy, the one i could truly have a life with...you turned out to be the cause of pain & turmoil. i am better off without you. i know this. i just wish it wasnt so.