:-(

i feel so exhausted. its been a goddamn long year...already...i really want things to get better. i want my life together. i love my JOB. i love my FAMILY. i love my CAT. im creative, funny, talented...albeit LAZY sometimes. the only thing missing is LOVE.

Just further proof

Just further proof that I am awesome. I found an x mas stocking I made for you...it had your name written across the top with glittery awesome beads. I don't know...I just saw so much happiness and future with you. Blah. 

Deleting

So I guess it's time for me to delete all of your old voice mails...that would be good for healing right? Unless...unless there is still hope...who knows. 

looking ahead.

I used to look at you like this...I want to look at someone like this again.

i know you probably already know of this site...

Because you are the all knowing , all powerful when it comes to cool music & awesome movies. I always thought that about you. Well anyway, I'm not sure if you have heard of this site...but its flipping amazing. I have become obsessed with this site & the music it holds...I have you to thank for opening my eyes to a lot of new things that I wasn't aware of. As much as I am upset by the things that have happened...I am thankful that you & I had our moment. I wish it could have been more but you made that decision for me. Didn't you?

http://www.newretrowave.com/

Didn't you?

i just saw your name

i just saw your name as i was typing someone else's in facebook and my heart stopped a little. i think you finally (maybe) unblocked me from your life. too bad you are blocked. too bad as much as i would love to talk to you, to laugh with you again...you fucked up. you did so much wrong to me, to us...that its unforgivable. 
i miss you. every. single. day. 
if you had really wanted this relationship to work you would have done a lot more than just call and text...you would have bought a webcam...you would have made those visits here to see me and to build us. 
whatever. it doesnt really matter. i just wish you well, i wish your family well. i hope you get to live your life to its fullest and not hide behind anything. i just want your happiness, too bad you could give less than a shit about mine.