Ascend

I first saw you

without love and then you knew
your fingers reached
I moved in the distance breached
tell me what I'm doing here
tell me what I'm doing here
to my surprise
I kissed you, you made me rise
now by my side
I've missed you and let it slide
tell me what I'm doing here
tell me what I'm doing here
if all I ever wanted wasn't good for you
if the thing that I said, they just weren't true
ascend, ascend my friend
I turned my head
and looked back, I had been led
when my heart jumped
we lost touch, our love had slumped
tell me what I'm doing here
tell me what I'm doing here
if all I ever wanted wasn't good for you
if the thing that I said, they just weren't true
ascend, ascend my friend
I can see you looking down to keep away from me
but I'm stuck with this lack of ability
I can't refrain
from coming here
it causes pain
you're so sincere
ascend, I must ascend
so now alone
I find out your heart is stone
a helping hand
there is none from where I stand
tell me what I'm doing here
tell me what I'm doing here
if all I ever wanted wasn't good for you
if the thing that I said, they just weren't true
then don't restrain from telling me
that all this pain is good for me
I can see you looking down to keep away from me
but I'm stuck with this lack of ability
I can't restrain from coming here
it causes pain you're so sincere
ascend
ascend, I must ascend

Ugh

Hello...
Is it me you're looking for? 

No...I guess I'm not. 
Fuck you. 
I still think of you every single day. I don't cry much anymore but I still do think of you. I really wish you hadn't of dumped me, I really wish we were still together. I'm not lying when I say...I was happiest when I was with you, even though our time was about 6 months. I fucking loved you & you dumped me without even a fucking blink. I gave my heart, my body...everything...I was going to give you...everything...and you just did it...without even a blink. You know...people warned me about you...they said you were a liar & a cheat & that you would break my heart. I dismissed them without even a second thought. You were all I ever wanted.
Fuck you. 
I still think of you every single day. I don't cry much anymore but I still do think of you. 
Fuck you. 

Yep.

Sick of it. Sick of being used. 

hahaha

i hate men. 

The end (?)

I try not to think of you anymore. July 31st was the day I spent chatting with you all day & night about various stuff. I had never felt a more solid connection with anyone before in my life. I went to see Creepshow later that night & honestly could not wait to get home and start talking to you again. More than a year it's been since that moment. Schlitterbahn has come as gone. The day I sent you the first pic of me. The next 6 months were the happiest I had ever experienced and we didn't even live in the same state. Come February...all my happiness was gone. You were gone. I am slowly getting my life together. Deleting your voicemails that used to make me laugh & swoon all at the same time. Deleting all your pictures from my computer. I keep them. You never know. I just don't want that constant reminder of you. I have turned your shirts into things that are mine. I am trying to be happy without you. 

The end (?)