I'm getting tired of forcing myself to be happy everyday.

I am missing my Sadie kitty. I just know that while it was snowing last night in Austin and we were all playing outside and even though she would've been cold outside with us...she would've enjoyed seeing the snow and afterward cuddling inside with us on the couch. We decorated the tree last night also and even though she would've been in the way, and rolling around under our feet and meowing for treats...I missed that. Dylan missed it. Both of us were in tears on and off. He keeps it together more than I do. Sometimes I feel like its my fault that he gets outwardly emotional about it...because there are always tears in my eyes over her. Life just isn't that happy anymore. I really feel like I took advantage of her in the last couple of months. I wish I could take those last couple of months back. I wish I just cuddled with her nonstop and gave her the love and affection she may not have wanted but she deserved. We threw her ornaments up on the tree and we also put her stocking up over the fireplace. 
It's very hard forcing myself to be happy every day. It's not just Sadie. It's a little bit of everything. A lot of stress around life. Even though I really don't have anything to complain about really...my emotions are so down in the dumps though. I don't have enough time for my love. I don't have enough time for my art. I don't have enough time for anything. 

Update On Nothing

I can't decide if I want to just be super lazy this weekend or if I should bust my ass and work on some new stuff.

I have felt so tired lately. Being that I've been sick since Halloween and I'm still down with the sickness (oh, ah, ah, ah, ah) in some form.

Customers at work have been a handful as usual.

I feel like I'm going to die on the road driving to and from work every single day because of all of the insane and stupid drivers out there...if you can even call them drivers.

I miss my kitty every single day. I feel guilty that I wasn't home when she passed. I feel like I took advantage of her, that I didn't pet her as much as I should've. That I didn't tell her I loved her as much as I should've and I she will never hear I love you from me again.

Too many missed opportunities.